Nikki Glaser Spills the Craziest Jokes Cut From Her Golden Globes Monologue — Yes, She Almost Took Shots at Sydney Sweeney and Leonardo DiCaprio

Nikki Glaser recently opened up about the jokes she decided not to include in her Golden Globes hosting monologue during an appearance on “The Howard Stern Show.” The comedian revealed that some of the punchlines she cut were political, including jokes about ICE and Donald Trump. Glaser told Stern that she tried to avoid politics because, in her words, “it’s not funny.”

One of the jokes she scrapped involved a play on words about ice and the federal immigration agency. “I was going to come in at some point and say, ‘I’m hearing from the bar that we’re out of ice. And you know, we don’t really need ice. And actually, I hate ice,’” Glaser explained. “It just felt like, oh, even that’s just being too trivial. … It’s hard to strike the right tone.”

Her caution came shortly after ICE agent Jonathan Ross shot and killed Renee Good in Minneapolis, an event that sparked nationwide protests. Several celebrities, including Mark Ruffalo, Natasha Lyonne, and Wanda Sykes, wore pins reading “Ice Out” and “Be Good” at the Globes in honor of Good.

Another political joke that was cut referenced the venue being renamed the “Trump Beverly Hilton” following the Trump Kennedy Center controversy. “You just don’t say that guy’s name right now. I just want to give it space,” Glaser said. She noted that Steve Martin had initially suggested the joke but later advised her to avoid political material.

Glaser did keep some topical humor in her monologue, including a jab at the network she was hosting on. “The award for most editing goes to CBS News. Yes. CBS news: America’s newest place to see B.S. news,” she quipped, referencing a controversial story about the U.S. sending deportees to a prison in El Salvador.

Glaser also shared a wide range of other jokes that didn’t make the final cut:

“Chase Infiniti is nominated for best actress tonight, and Chase Infiniti is her real name. And this is true: If you apply now, you can earn 5% cash back on all travel bookings through her through the end of the year. So get on that.”

“Chase Infiniti Payne is actually her real name. Chase Infiniti Payne, which is also how Sean Penn gets an erect***.”

“Some people have stage names like ‘Hacks’ star Jean Smart, whose real name is Corderoy Dumba**.”

“Brad Pitt is nominated for his role in ‘F1’ tonight. See, that’s what I love about Hollywood. When a man turns 60, he gets to play a racecar driver. Meanwhile, after 35, every role for a woman is a tired mom who hates her life. And Brad, you were so good I was almost convinced that you’ve driven yourself somewhere in the last 30 years. But Brad did a lot of his own driving in the movie. And Brad, I don’t want to embarrass you, but your blinker was on the whole time there.”

“Tonight is a night of celebration, but we can’t ignore that it’s a weird time in Hollywood. You know, people just aren’t going to the theaters to see things. If you don’t believe me, there was a movie this year where Sydney Sweeney played a lesbian who just bounced around in tiny shorts for two hours and it made $14.”

“Everyone’s concerned about AI. Tilly Norwood is the first star to be completely generated by AI and somehow has still been s***** assaulted by three different studio execs.”

“Sean Penn is nominated tonight, I’m assuming for best neck veins?”

“Sean Penn, Benicio del Toro and Leonardo DiCaprio are all here tonight for the category Least Eyes. Leo, why are you always squinting? I mean, I assume it’s to read your girlfriend’s ID. Just making sure that the year starts with a two.”

“Amy Poehler is here for her podcast ‘Good Hang,’ which is what Timothée Chalamet says after s**.”

“Julia Roberts is nominated for ‘After The Hunt.’ I don’t know what it’s about, but I’m assuming the hunt was to find someone who’s seen it?”

“Jonathan Bailey is here. Jonathan is the first openly gay man to be named the S***** Man Alive by People magazine, and at first I was like, ‘Do we really need to say openly?’ and then I looked at a list of past winners and I was like, ‘Oh yeah, we do.’”

“Jeff Goldblum is here tonight, not because he is nominated just because they were shooting an ad for Apartments.com down the street and he just kind of wandered in. Jeff doing ads for Apartments.com is hilarious. You haven’t lived in apartments since you were a fly.”

“‘Pluribus’ is nominated. Did you guys know that ‘Pluribus’ is Latin for ‘I haven’t seen it’?”

Glaser’s cut jokes reveal just how daring and edgy she wanted to be on stage. Many of the bits were sharp, controversial, and satirical, highlighting her bold sense of humor.

It’s fascinating to see what goes behind the scenes in awards show monologues. Glaser clearly pushes the envelope, but knows when to hold back. Which of these jokes do you think should have made it into the show? Share your thoughts in the comments.