60 Best Ted Lasso Quotes That Will Inspire You

Apple TV+’s Ted Lasso is a TV show about soccer, but to love it, you don’t have to be a soccer fan. This is an amazing comedy show with Jason Sudeikis as a titular character and a coach of a small football club. Now, he is hired by Rebecca Walton (Hannah Waddingham), owner of a British soccer team, to become its coach. The problem? He has no clue about soccer. But, to manage that unexpected new job, he uses all sorts of amazing (often funny) quotes to inspire his team.

In this article, we have compiled the list of all the best Ted Lasso quotes and we will be updating it as Sudeikis’s character pulls out new ones in the next seasons. So let’s check them out.

Best Inspiring Ted Lasso Quotes

Ted Lasso is the man when it comes to inspiring his team (laughter). He has all sorts of withy, smart and inspiring quotes that you can use once you lead your own team, but try not to overdo it. Sometimes he can be overwhelming.

“When it comes to locker rooms, I like ’em just like my mother’s bathing suits. I only wanna see ’em in one piece.”

Walton: “Do you believe in ghosts?”
Ted: “I do, but more importantly, I believe they need to believe in themselves.”

“You beating yourself up is like Woody Allen playing the clarinet. I don’t want to hear it.”

“Don’t let the wisdom of age be wasted on you.”

“I know change can be scary. One minute, you are playing freeze tag out there at recess with all your buddies. Next thing you know, you’re getting zits, your voice gets low. And every time your art teacher, Ms. Scanlon, leans over your desk to check and see how your project’s going, you feel all squiggly inside.”

“I think that’s what it’s all about. Embracing change.”

“For me, success is not about the wins and losses. It’s about helping these young fellas be the best versions of themselves on and off the field.”

“I promise you, there is something worse out there than being sad. And that is being alone and being sad. Ain’t no one in this room alone.”

“All right, fellas, you gotta remember, your body is like day-old rice. If it ain’t warmed up properly, something really bad could happen.”

“If God would have wanted games to end in a tie, she wouldn’t have invented numbers.”

“I think that you might be so sure that you’re one in a million, that sometimes you forget that out there you’re just one in 11.”

“I believe in hope. I believe in Believe.”

“Smells like potential.”

“Sounds to me like someone’s trapped inside life’s most complicated shape. A love triangle. The second place of course is the ‘I just walked in on my mother-in-law changing into her swimsuit dodecahedron.’”

“I think if you care about someone and you got a little love in your heart, there ain’t nothin’ you can’t get through together.”

“You know what the happiest animal on Earth is? It’s a goldfish. You know why? Got a ten-second memory. Be a goldfish, Sam.”

Coach Beard: “Why you windin’ him up?”
Ted: “Because he’s the one, coach. If we’re gonna make an impact here, the first domino needs to fall right inside of that man’s heart.”

“I want you to know, I value each of your opinions, even when you’re wrong.”

“Our goal is to go out like Willie Nelson — on a high!”

“I’m looking forward to the definition of relegation.”

“Come on Rob! You gotta get it in there to get three points!”

“I have a really tricky time hearing folks that don’t believe in themselves.”

Funny Ted Lasso Quotes

Maybe he is not the best out there when it comes to soccer, but there’s no question about it, Ted Lasso is a funny guy, and this compilation of Ted Lasso’s funny quotes will prove it to you.

“If the Lasso way is wrong, it’s hard to imagine being right.”

“Takin’ on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse. If you’re comfortable while you’re doin’ it, you’re probably doin’ it wrong.”

“That right there, that’s a scone. Tastes like a muffin except it sucks all the spit out of your mouth.”

“Hey, hey, hey! If we see each other in our dreams. Let’s goof around a little bit, pretend like we don’t know each other.”

“Fellas, I could watch you do this jaunty North Korean military thing you do all day, but I need a favor.”

“Will you explain to me how that was offside? No! I’m asking you. Seriously! Explain offside to me. It makes no sense.”

Walton: “How do you take your tea?”
Ted: “Well, normally right back to the counter because there’s been a terrible mistake.”

“Even Woody and Buzz got under each other’s plastic.”

“One more person says something to me and Beard don’t understand. I’m gonna have one of my son’s classic temper tantrums. It’s basically just him calling me a bunch of silly names, you know, like, I don’t know, ‘dummy head’ or ‘poo-poo face’ ‘pee-pee fingers.’”

“You could fill two internets with what I don’t know about football.”

“Sam was more open than the jar of peanut butter on my counter.”

“Seems like a smurf with an attitude would be a lot of fun to watch.”

“I never know how to react when a grown man beatboxes in front of me.”

“I’m sort of famous for being almost famous.”

“Knock-a-doodle-doo!”

“I think I literally have a better understanding of who killed Kennedy than what is offside. (Long pause) It was the mob.”

“If you would have told me that I’d be drinking tea at three o’clock every day… about a year ago… I would have punched you in the mouth.”

“Coach, I got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.”

“If that’s a joke, I love it. If not, can’t wait to unpack that with you later.”

“Little tip for y’all. Fries are called chips. Chips are called crisps. And bangers aren’t great songs, but they do make you feel like dancing because they’re so darn tasty.”

“How many countries are in this country?”

“This woman right here is strong, confident, and powerful. Boss, I tell ya, I’d hate to see you and Michelle Obama arm wrestle, but I wouldn’t be able to take my eyes off it, either.”

“It’s kind of like back in the 80s when ‘bad’ meant ‘good.’ ”

“Ties and no playoffs? Why do you even do this?”

Ted Lasso Quotes About Life

Even though the TV show is mostly comedy, and Ted is a really funny person, he also has some real everyday quotes that can help you in your life, so check them out below.

“I always thought that tea was just gonna taste like hot brown water. And you know what? I was right. It’s horrible. No, thank you.”

“A palace made out of crystal seems mighty fragile to me.”

“Tea and I are still on a lifelong hiatus.”

“You tore your butt. That’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“You gonna give me the cold shoulder and the silent treatment. That’s a combo. Does it come with a medium drink?”

“Early drinkin’ means quick drunken.”

“If the internet has taught us anything, it’s that sometimes it’s easier to speak our minds anonymously.”

“Roy, I learned two pretty big lessons on the rough and tumble playgrounds of Bookridge Elementary School. One, if little Ronnie Fouch offers you a candy bar, you immediately say no and get the hell out of there cause there’s a good chance that little son of a gun has pooped inside of a Butterfinger wrapper. No one ever saw him do it, but a couple people ate it. Number two, teacher tells a bully not to pick on someone, it’s just gonna make it worse.”

“In my mind, you gotta have three things to be a Premier League team. 1) You gotta play physical. 2) you gotta give 100 percent until the final whistle and 3) you gotta be sponsored by a Middle-Eastern airline.”

“Be curious. Not judgmental.”

Jamie Tartt: “Coach, I’m me. Why would I want to be anything else?”
Ted: “I’m not sure you realize how psychologically healthy that actually is.”

“I like the idea of someone becoming rich because of what they gave to the world, not just because of who their family is.”

“Little girls are mysterious. And silly and powerful. I gave up trying to figure them out years ago.”

“That’s the funny thing about coincidences, ain’t it? Sometimes they just happen.”