Intimacy under the microscope: what’s happening to relationships in the age of digital interfaces?

Intimacy once began with casual touches and eye contact. Today, it begins with a simple “Hi!” message on the Internet. We live in an era where a swipe can change your destiny. Technology gives us the opportunity to be close to each other, even if we are thousands of kilometres apart. However, is everything as rosy as it seems? Also, what happens to our feelings when there is a smartphone or laptop screen between us? Let’s figure it out together in this article.

The evolution of attachment: how mechanisms of closeness are changing in the digital world

Getting closer to each other is a complex and often lengthy process. In real life, it all starts through basic sensory channels. That is, sight, smell, and touch. When we communicate with someone we like, our brain works like a living radar. It scans how the other person treats us, analysing their facial expressions, gestures, and voice timbre. At this moment, neurotransmitters are activated in the body, such as:

• oxytocin, which is responsible for attachment;
• dopamine, which is associated with feelings of reward and pleasure;
• serotonin, a mood regulator.

When we communicate with someone online, our brain continues to look for “signals of closeness.” It finds them in texts, emojis, and voice messages. Additionally, texting can trigger a dopamine rush, especially when waiting for a response. After all, our brain perceives it as a gamble: “Will he or she respond?”

However, we need to understand that online intimacy is often the result of algorithms. For example, dating apps offer us ideal candidates based on what we want to achieve. Algorithms carefully study our behaviour, “look” at which profiles we stop at and which ones we immediately scroll through. Additionally, they provide us with a selection of candidates that match our preferences. Potential partners often include people we would not pay attention to in real life.

Hyperlink and its side effects

It would seem that what could be better than constant communication with each other? Thanks to the Internet, we can send a message to our loved ones at any time, share a voice message, a photo, or a video. However, as paradoxical as it may sound, hyperconnectivity increases anxiety.

When you are always “online,” there is an expectation of instant response. Also, if a person doesn’t answer us right away, thoughts of not being interested in them begin to set in. Read the message, but didn’t write anything in response? It means they are angry with us or something else.

Therefore, hyperconnectivity often deprives relationships of space. We get used to the fact that we must always be “in touch.” And constant checks of our online status and location trigger mechanisms of anxiety and jealousy. Psychologists call this phenomenon “digital suffocating intimacy.” We want to be in touch with our partner all the time, and when they are not online, even for a short time, the brain reacts to this as a possible threat. This is a new format of emotional dependence, which many people already suffer today.

Live video chats and the “mirror” effect: do they increase empathy?

Videochats bring an important component of high-quality interaction back into our lives with each other: non-verbal signals. Glance, voice timbre, and facial expressions; all of these become accessible to perception again, albeit through a screen. When communicating in random chats, we can see and hear each other just like in real life. This has a positive effect on the quality of communication.

In addition, the so-called “mirror” effect appears in online video chats. Psychologists understand this term as a person’s unconscious copying of the gestures, intonation, and facial expressions of their chat partner. During video communication, this effect is further enhanced by the fact that we see the other person and our own face on the screen. We begin to control our facial expressions, movements, and intonation. Hence, we begin to imitate ourselves; that is, the ideal image that we have created in our heads.

Also, the “mirror” effect manifests itself in the fact that we can see ourselves in others. Let’s say you are irritated by the person you are talking to, who constantly interrupts you. Perhaps you often do the same thing, but don’t notice it. Thus, the brain subconsciously reacts to those qualities that we do not accept in ourselves.

The “mirror” effect is about emotional resonance. Online video chats help us instantly read the mood of the chat partner and “charge” from them. A smile will cause a smile, a frowning expression, and internal tension. Emotions on a subconscious level can bring us closer or, on the contrary, create a distance.

From screen to reality: the cognitive dissonance of a first date

When we communicate online for a long time, it seems that there is “real chemistry and closeness” between us. However, when we meet in person, this feeling can suddenly disappear. Why does this happen? In fact, there are several reasons.

Firstly, when communicating online, we only get part of the information about a person. Our brain “completes” everything else based on the style of texting, voice, and photo. An idealised image appears in our head. The longer we communicate only online, the more our brain “fantasises.” Hence, when we meet a real person, and the expectation does not match reality, all of a sudden, the person is no longer the way we imagined them.

It may not be a matter of appearance, but of the rhythm of communication. After all, when we text, we have time to think before responding, edit what we have written, and even ask Chat GPT for advice. In real life, everything is different. Not everyone finds it easy to switch to real-life communication and open up immediately. Even anxiety can play a cruel joke and ruin the first impression. Therefore, when going on a date, do not forget that a real person is waiting for you out there, with their personal fears and worries.

Is it possible to build sustainable connections in the digital age?

You might have heard the statement that the Internet, and technology in general, prevent us from being close to each other. However, in reality, progress has simply transformed the process of getting closer. For example, random video chats help us establish contact with a person faster. After all, when we see the chat partner in person through a screen, it is easier for us to understand whether we are right for each other and whether there is “chemistry” between us.

In addition, such platforms allow you not to waste time on futile communication. For example, in live video chat with girls CooMeet, the system connects users only with the opposite gender. Thanks to mandatory verification, you can be sure that on the other side of the screen is a real person, not a fake or a bot.

Nonetheless, you need to understand that online communication is just a start, not a full-fledged replacement for communication. To build strong relationships, texting and video communication are not enough. You need real emotions, shared experiences, not just superficial conversations, but also conversations about complex things. This is only possible in real life.

Therefore, it is possible to build happy relationships in the digital age. The main thing is to remember that online communication is the first step to something bigger.