Uwe Boll has certainly made a reputation for himself, known as being the director who seems to pump out film after film that has nothing good about them. Despite beating the absolute crap out of film critics who criticize him, let’s rank his movies. Here is a list of some of Boll’s all-time worst movies, ranked up to his good movies. As a prolific filmmaker, not all of Boll’s works can be reviewed here but the choice of the worst and best ones are here for your reading pleasure.
10. Blubberella (2011)
Easily one of the best examples of lazy filmmaking that has ever existed, Blubberella is a type of dark comedy that has not only copied Boll’s other work, Bloodrayne: The Third Reich, almost whole cloth, but it is even worse than Boll’s first attempt.
If you watch both films (not recommended), you’ll even notice that the same sets, cast, and even storylines are in effect. What made Boll look at his Bloodrayne series and then think about doing it again slightly differently is anyone’s guess.
9. Bloodrayne (2005)
Considering the cast of recognizable big names such as Billy Zane, Michelle Rodriguez, Ben Kingsley, and others such as Meat Loaf, I’m sure many people got sucked into watching this movie.
The performances are dreadful by most, although it’s easy to forgive the actors for phoning it in. Amazingly, Boll thought it a good idea to continue the series and made a sequel and third movie, and they are even worse than this one.
8. Alone in the Dark (2005)
When you become the guy infamous for bad adaptations of video games into movies, it takes something special to really make people hate you for violating their dreams about one day there being a film for their favorite game. But Boll is a master, after all.
With the common theme of a completely incoherent plot, this film boasts an incredible one percent on film review site Rotten Tomatoes, with terrible cinematography, acting, narrative, and every other thing that makes this a movie.
7. House of the Dead (2003)
One of Boll’s first efforts, House of the Dead reveals that the filmmaker hasn’t done a whole lot of improvement over his career.
With a totally wacky and disjointed plot, almost no thrills despite being a horror/zombie flick, absolutely terrible dialogue, and a raft of other issues, you’re better off having a read of the classic The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson.
6. Postal (2007)
Another instance of a relatively popular video game being destroyed by Boll’s ineptness, Postal is a terrible comedy filled with nonsensical themes. Some funny scenes including blowing away a bunch of kids for no reason give the viewer something to watch.
Otherwise, the comedy is slightly misguided and the characters may as well have been made of cardboard.
5. Seed (2006)
A lesson that making things bigger and better is not always the best choice, Seed is Boll’s attempt to shock and captivate the audience. But instead of doing it through clever thrills or twists and turns, instead, they just got an unlimited supply of fake blood and organs.
These scenes are hard to watch and make the movie unbearable as it goes on, and I certainly love a bit of violence in film. The excessive cruelty to animals is also hard to justify given the film’s plot.
4. In the Name of the King (2007)
While the repetitive fake landscapes and terrible rubber monsters will make you feel like you’re experiencing deja vu, at least the plot makes sense: the main character, Farmer, is a farmer who is trying to avenge his family.
Some good fight scenes rescue the film somewhat, although it’s hard to ignore that the bad guys seem not even to be able to tie their shoelaces properly and so don’t pose that much of a threat.
3. Far Cry (2008)
An excellent video game series once again tarnished by Boll, Far Cry is a 2008 film that doesn’t even seem to have enough action in it, despite being called an action film.
With little to do with the fantastic game series produced by Crytek, this film is one of Boll’s better works that has some genuinely funny and unintentionally hilarious parts, particularly the bad acting.
The almost complete lack of character development makes the relationships between Jack Carver and Valerie Cardinal confusing, to say the least (I kept asking myself, ‘Why exactly are they doing stuff together?’) but otherwise, it does have a relatively fun ending.
With passable acting and, for once, violence that actually made sense and wasn’t overly gory, this film is good. It seems that Boll can make passable films if he doesn’t try to use a video game as a basis.
2. Assault on Wall Street (2013)
Following a security guard who loses his family fortune after greedy bankers destroy his life savings, causing his sick wife to commit suicide, this film is another one packed with violence.
However, the film’s redeeming feature is that it actually tries to build a narrative and social commentary. Given the events of 2008 and other financial crises, it is at least dealing with the important subject matter.
1. Rampage (2009)
One of the first films by Boll to ever receive positive reviews, Rampage follows the exploits of Bill Williamson as he goes on an unhinged rampage in his small town. Later pinning the 93 murders on his only friend, Bill escapes suspicion.
Shooting up a town isn’t exactly always the best plot to base a film around, but Boll has shown he’s never worried about what people think. In the end, there are some good lines and the characters basically make sense.
Present in this film that is missing in many others is empathy: the violence has a purpose and there is a plan.