20 Best Planes, Trains, and Automobiles Quotes

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles are one of those comedy movies that will have you laughing from start to finish as it is filled with hilarious scenes and dialogues. The two main characters are Del and Neal, strangers that are traveling together. But, on their journey, a lot of things get out of hand. Neal is trying to make it home to Chicago for Thanksgiving and Del is helping him achieve that.

If you haven’t already seen this movie ( or even if you did ), I kindly recommend you do so as you will surely be entertained. In this article, you can find the 20 best Planes, Trains, and Automobiles quotes.

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1. Owen: “She don’t mind. She’s short and skinny – but she’s strong. Her first baby: it came out sideways, she didn’t scream or nothing.”

Owen was Neal and Del’s ride to Stubville to catch a train. As they are about to get their luggage in the car, he stops them and orders his wife who has two children in the car with her to get out of the car and put a large and heavy suitcase in the back of the car. When Del says that the suitcase is very heavy and that there is no need for her to do that, Owen says this line.

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2. Neal: “Del, why did you kiss my ear?” Del: “Why are you holding my hand?” Neal: “Where’s your other hand?” Del: “Between two pillows.” Neal: “THOSE AREN’T PILLOWS!”

Del and Neal are sharing a bed in a motel. When they woke up, they found themselves snugging with dell kissing Neal’s ear in his sleep, and with Neal holding Del’s hand. Afterward, they jumped out of bed and started talking about sports in order to ”boost their masculinity.”

3. Neal: ”Are you trying to start a fight?” Del: “No I’m simply stating a fact that’s all. You fidget with your nuts a lot!” Neal: “You know what would make me happy?” Del: “Another couple of balls and an extra set of fingers?”

Del and Neal are in the car and Del is saying to Neal that he also has some flaws that tend to bother Del, but he is too polite to say anything. Neal urges Del to say what bothered him so much so he says to Del that Larry Bird doesn’t make so much ball-handling in one night as Neil does in one hour.

4. Del: ”6 bucks and my right nut says that we are not landing in Chicago.”

Neal tried to get a first-class plane seat and paid for it in advance, but there was no room left. Instead, he ended up stuck in the middle seat between Del and some other guy who were both snoring immensely. Because of snoring, he stared at Del, then Del suddenly woke up, said this line, and fell back to sleep.

5. Del: ”This is Czechoslovakian ivory.”

Del is selling curtain rings as earrings and as any good salesman, he’s got a great story in order to persuade people to buy them… He raised a decent amount of money by selling them to various people with various backstories about curtain rings.

6. Neal: ”If I wanted a joke I’d follow you into the john and watch you take a leak. Now, are you going to help me or are you going to stand there like a slab of meat with mittens?”

Neal is very angry because he just can’t catch a break and nothing gets in his favor. After the rental car agency messed up and rented him a car that wasn’t in the parking lot where it should be, he tried to rent a taxi, but a comment from the guy that worked there got him furious so he said this to him.

7. Del: ”Are you all right? I have never seen a guy get picked up by his testicles before. Lucky thing for you that cop passed by when he did. Otherwise, you’d be lifting your schnutz to tie your shoes.”

This line is just a moment after the incident mentioned in the quote before. The taxi guy was not happy with what Neal said to him so he knocked him down. Then Del came along in the car and asked the guy who knocked Neil down to help Neal to get up. Unfortunately for Neal, he pulled him up from the floor by grabbing some sensitive parts of Neal’s body.

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8. Del: ‘We’d have more luck playing pick-up sticks with our butt-cheeks than we have of getting a flight out of here before daybreak.”

Del and Neal are at the airport and they found out that their flight is very likely to be canceled due to the bad weather. Neal is having a hard time accepting this, but Del eventually convinces him that it is smart to book a room to stay the night before it is too late and all the rooms are booked. Somehow they manage to find a room in a motel and that is only because Del sold them shower rings before.

9. Neal: “Please, have mercy on me. I’ve been wearing the same underwear since Tuesday!” Del: “I can vouch for that.”

After their car burned down, they were in need of a place to sleep. The receptionist in the motel asked for a credit card, but all of Neal’s cards burned due to a fire in the car. When he tried to pay cash he was way too short so he begged the receptionist to allow him to have a room because he’s been wearing the same underwear for a long time and is in dire need of a rest and a shower.

10. Neal: “You can start by wiping that f*****g dumbass smile off your rosy f*****g cheeks. And you can give me a f*****g automobile – a f*****g Datsun, a f*****gg Toyota, a f*****g Mustang, a f*****g Buick, four f*****g wheels and a seat!”

This is Neal snapping at the Marathon Lady because they messed up when he rented a car that was not on the parking lot where it should be so he had to go way back to file a complaint. When he got there his manners were gone as clearly couldn’t handle anymore all of the misfortunes that keep happening to him.

11. Neal: “I really don’t care for the way that your company left me in the middle of f*****g nowhere with f*****g keys to a f*****g car that isn’t f*****g there. And I really didn’t care to walk down a f*****g highway and across a f*****g runway to get back here to have your smile on my f*****g face. I want a f*****g car right f*****g now.”

When the Marathon Lady said to Neal that she really does not care for the way he speaks to her, this was his response. He clearly didn’t pick words but went straight after his demand for the car.

12. Marathon lady: “May I see your rental agreement?“ Neal: ”I threw it away.” Marathon lady: “Oh boy” Neal: “Oh boy what?” Marathon lady: “You’re f*****d.”

When the receptionist asks Neal politely for his rental agreement, she is amused by the fact that he threw it away so she responds to him in the words he used when talking to her moments before.

13. The guy in another car: You’re going the wrong way! Neal: “He says we’re going the wrong way.” Del: “Oh he’s drunk! How would he know where we’re going?!” Neal: “Yeah, how would he know?”

Del is driving and he is driving in the wrong direction. When the guy next to them tries to warn them about it, Del thinks that he’s trying to race with them and that he is drunk. So Del and Neal politely thank him and continue driving in their direction… Until they realize there are two huge trucks coming at them from the other direction.

14. Del: “Well, this isn’t so bad. I thought it would be a lot worse than this. They’ll be able to buff this out no problem. Oh yeah, woow! I mean, that was close.”

When two trucks came from the opposite direction than theirs, Del and Neal somehow managed to drive their car in between two cars but the car was severely damaged in the process as he stumbled into both trucks from both sides. After all that was over, Del nervously chuckled and said those lines, and Neal was just looking at him in disbelief probably.

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15. Neal: ”Good luck turning the car in. They’ll be happy as pig in shit to see you!”

After the incident with the trucks, Neal and Del are sitting on the road and commenting about their night. Then suddenly they turn around and see that their car is on fire. Neal is somewhat glad that Del’s goofiness has finally cost Deil something, rather than others around him like usual. Instead, of freaking out, it seems that there is nothing left that can surprise them, so they start laughing and Neal says this line to Del.

16. Del: “One good thing about it is that with all this fresh air we’re gonna sleep like babies!”

Somehow they manage to drive themselves in the burned car to the motel. So, Del makes this comment about the car without a roof or windows and says that at least they had a lot of fresh air and that will be good for their sleep.

17. Neal: ”I need one room.” Del ( thinking that Neil is booking one room for both of them ): “Look, if we’re pissed at each other maybe we should get separate rooms.” Neal: “You get your own room!”

When they get to the motel, Neal is frustrated by everything so he orders one room for himself so he can finally have some piece. But, Del interpreted that differently thinking that Neal wants to share a room. There is a slight problem in the reception as Neal’s credit cards melted down in his wallet when the car got on fire.

18. Police officer: “Do you have any idea how fast you were going?” Del: “Funny enough, I was just talking to my friend about that. Our speedometer is melted, and as a result, it’s very hard to say with any degree of accuracy exactly how…uh…fast we were going.”

When they drove in a wrecked car, their speedometer didn’t work anymore because it melted in the fire. When a cop pulled them over they didn’t have any idea how fast they were going and Del admitted that the cop probably knows better than he and Neal. Just moments before the cop pulled them over, Del was saying to Neal that the speedometer is melted and that he has no idea how fast they are going.

19. Police officer: “What the hell are you driving here?” Del: “We had a small fire last night, but we caught it in the nick of time!”

The cop was appalled when he saw in what state the car is. The car is clearly burned almost completely without a roof, side mirrors, and anything for a safe drive. But, according to Del, it is not burned severely…

20. Police officer: “Do you feel this vehicle is safe for highway travel?” Del: “Yes. Yes, I really do. I believe that…and I know it’s not pretty, but it will get you where you want to go.”

Del is sugarcoating the whole situation about a burned car. He says that the car is perfectly fit for travel. Of course, the cop does not buy that and compounds the car even though Del urges him not to do that because otherwise, he won’t be able to get Neil home in time.

So, there you have it, some of the best quotes from this hilarious movie. Hope you enjoyed reading it!

  • Josip is a law student who is a big fan of the Marvel and DC Universe. He loves anything related to superheroes, and in his free time, he enjoys spending time with his dog and conversing about complex topics over a pitcher of beer.