The history of comic books has provided us with some truly great characters and some truly great powers. Fight, telekinesis, elemental manipulation, superhuman speed, etc. – all of these powers are truly amazing and have been used to save the world and humanity on more than one occasion.
In light of that, we also have to note that there is a polar opposite to these powers and in this article, we are going to give you a list of the 35 most useless superpowers ever created, ranked from the least to the most useless one.
35. Assembling and dissassembling
Humphry Dumpler is a portly man with an egg-shaped head who speaks in rhyme and has a compulsive desire to “fix” what he considers to be broken. He is shown in flashback to have been the victim of almost supernaturally inexplicable bad luck, almost since his birth, illustrated by countless tragedies throughout his life.
Over time, he decided himself to understanding the mechanics of the world around him, in an attempt to see what was causing things to go wrong for him and try to fix them. In his crimes, Humpty disassembles and reassembles mechanical devices that bother him in some way.
The devices he “fixes” cause numerous accidents, such as a subway train derailment. Humpty Dumpty’s final crime is to adjust the gears of a clock tower, causing one of the hands to fly off, setting off a chain reaction in which dozens of huge signal objects crashed into the streets, killing dozens. of people.
When Batgirl tries to stop him, he dislocates her arms. Humpty quickly slides her arms back into their lace and surrenders. Revealing that she had tracked him down through his overdue library books, his only question was why he had rented a book on human anatomy. Humpty takes her to his house to reveal that he had dissected his abusive grandmother and re-stitched her with cord in an ill-considered attempt to “fix” her. Humpty Dumpty has a knack for taking apart and putting together different objects.
This might not be completely useless, which is why we put it on the lower end of our list. Still, what Humpty Dumpty did in the majority of cases was simply cause a mess, however morbid that mess might have been.
Sometimes referred to as “politics” or “political organization,” political science is a term used to describe the ability of some characters to study or apply social science disciplines that deal with governmental and/or state politics. Certain characters have political training, such as Lex Luthor and Pete Ross, while others have political influence, such as Oliver Queen and James Gordon.
Sure, sure, if you want to become the President like Trump… Lex Luthor, politics do come in handy. If you want to save humanity and fight an alien threat like Thanos or Darkseid, the fact that you’re able to make a deal with your local councilman is pretty much useless. This one is dependent on the context, really.
Acting represents a person’s ability to portray and/or play a person other than himself. While the acting is primarily a pedestrian talent, it can also prove vital in undercover investigative work. During World War II, the mysterious American agent has known only as the Unknown Soldier often disguised himself as enemy agents to obtain vital information.
In some missions, the soldier was forced to take the place of an agent (usually a Nazi), and his acting skills were so precise that he could fool even the target’s closest colleagues. Batman also uses his acting talents in his endless fight against crime. Although he has disguised himself as many different characters over the years, his most prevalent persona is that of gangster and grifter Matches Malone.
As Malone, Batman has infiltrated the inner circles of some of his most notorious enemies, including the Penguin. Other characters have used her ability to act professionally.
Acting in itself can be useful for certain types of operations, but generally, it won’t do you much good in a direct fight. Even actors are vulnerable to bullets and other types of attacks, but we put it down lower on our list because it has some practical applications.
Mimicry is a term used to describe the ability of some characters to copy another person. This is not just an act of imitation, but characters who imitate another person well. They are masters of disguise, they are able to perfectly change their voice pitch and become a completely different person.
Mimicry also has a lot of practical applications but the imitation capabilities of a mimic are severely limited and cannot stretch farther than is humanly possible. In that aspect, whether you get beaten up pretending to be Batman or being yourself is irrelevant.
Swimming is a term used to describe the ability of some characters to dive underwater and float through the waves. While the ability to swim is of little importance, what one does with or while swimming is significant. The Sea Devils, for example, spend years learning to dive and swim in order to continue their adventures.
This one’s so common that we’re not sure that it is a superpower in the first place. We’d give the creator of this “superpower” a medal on our list, were it not for the fact that some characters, like the Atlanteans, really do use this ability as a superpower. Most, though, do not.
Sometimes compared to political science, historiography is a term that describes the ability of some characters who have acquired historical knowledge. These individuals have a working knowledge of the history of the earth as well as the application of authorship, bias, and interpretation.
Yeah, kudos to the guy who knows when Napoleon surrendered at Waterloo, who the first president of Zimbabwe was, and how many Crusades there were, but we don’t see them using that knowledge to defeat Thanos, or Darkseid, or little Timmy who won first place at the annual History Trivia in Fargo, North Dakota.
29. Monstrous appearance
Characters with such a description have an abnormal or monstrous appearance causing fear in the population. They cannot move undetected in public and are easily recognized once seen, which makes it impossible to hide their identity for long, at least without disguise.
Well, these guys tend to be pretty useless save for the fact that they are scary, but since most of them actually do have powers that reinforce the visage, we put it on this spot.
Sometimes referred to as legislation, the law is a term used to describe the ability of some individuals to conceive, create, and/or administer laws and legality. Law is a practice; it is a system of rules and regulations empowered and enforced by legal institutions to guide behavior.
Legal skills can be useful, but they’re not actual superpowers. These skills can help you in a court of justice, but when face with a gun, monster, or demon, they won’t be of much use.
Meditation is the ability to either silence or focuses one’s mind. In its simplest form, meditation can be used to relax and gain control over oneself when suffering from stress, anger, or other physical and psychological problems. It can also be used to think about important thoughts, consider plans and strategies, or ponder on a philosophical level.
In its most advanced applications, it can manifest in actions of mind over matter, including complete control over one’s physical body or immaterial soul.
If you’re up for a more spiritual approach to life, meditation can be useful. It enhances your senses and deepens your spirituality. On the other hand, if you need to fight, you’d better move your ass and stop meditating.
Sometimes compared to “singing,” music is a term used to describe the ability of some characters to read, write, and/or play musical instruments. Characters who play instruments are called “musicians.”
Well, your trumpet playing could always kill the crowd, but music is definitely not among the more useful superpowers and skills that comic book characters have. We simply had a hard time finding a proper application for it. Although it does look cool.
Ventriloquism is the art of modifying the voice to imitate other voices or other sounds. Since ventriloquism is oriented to the world of entertainment, it is part of the brilliance of the performance that the voice emission is done in the most discreet way possible, that is, that the ventriloquist is able to give voice to the doll without moving, or almost without moving, the lips so that once the voice is projected, it seems to originate effectively in the doll itself.
The practice of ventriloquism is almost always carried out through dialogue, generally comic or sarcastic, between a person and a doll to which he lends his voice.
Unless you’re Arnold Wesker and can talk through a homicidal puppet, this one won’t be of much use to you. You can entertain your opponents for a while, but you’ll ultimately end up as dead as a doll.
Pedagogy, sometimes simply called “teaching,” is a term used to describe the ability of some people to teach a subject to others or groups of people. Languages, subjects, concepts – they all fall under the subject of study that users of pedagogy can teach. From general subjects to narrow areas, characters who use pedagogy are often masters of their craft.
Being a teacher is demanding and difficult, but not very useful if you’re a superhero or a supervillain. What, you’d teach your opponents how to behave properly? The true crime here isn’t the skill itself, but whoever thought that this should be a superpower in the first place.
23. Changing colors
Color Kid has the power to change the color of any living creature or object. This was probably done by changing the spectrum of light so that the object appeared in a different color.
Another character-focused ability unique to one guy, changing colors is not really something you’d brag about to your friends, right? Like… I have an orange. It’s orange. And you turn it into a pink-orange. It’s pink, but it’s still orange and tastes like an orange. It doesn’t taste pink. This might be good if you want to conceal something, though.
Egghead is a fictional character created for the television series Batman in the 1960s. The character, played by horror movie star Vincent Price, was recognizable by his pale bald head and white and yellow suit. He considers himself “the smartest criminal in the world” and his crimes usually have an egg motif.
He also uses egg-related puns in his language (“egg-zactly”, “egg-cellent”, etc.). He also uses a wide range of egg-shaped weapons, such as nitrous oxide eggs and tears gas eggs (laid by chickens that feed on onions).
Kudos to the producers of the 1966 Batman TV series for their creativity, but Egghead’s arsenal of egg-based weapons was more hilarious than anything else. Sure, it was in line with the campy style of the original show, but what good did it do? We’re not even eggs-cited to ponder how these weapons could be used in a more practical way.
Charisma is a term sometimes confused with “seduction” that describes the ability of some characters to persuade someone with charm or expressive communication. Charismatic characters tend to use their ability to speak to get their way.
Although it is very difficult or even impossible to define charisma precisely, it is often used to describe an (elusive, even indefinable) personality trait that often involves the seemingly ‘supernatural’ or uncanny ability to lead, charm, persuade, inspire, and/or influence people.
Yeah, this one’s a bit of contextual as well, but in most cases, it won’t do you any good, at least not when you’re faced with any real danger. Sure, Deacon Blackfire can do his stuff with his followers, but let’s see the guy charm his way through Brainiac, for example. Although, can you imagine what Brainiac would look like as a cult member?
Seduction is the act of intentionally inducing a person to engage in a particular behavior, often of a carnal nature. The term can have a positive or negative connotation. Seduction is an application of charisma, and although it is often attributed to women, it is also a skill found in many male characters. In the mythos of Fables, Prince Charming (pictured) used his charisma to seduce many women, including Snow White, Briar Rose, and Cinderella.
The career criminal is known as Catwoman often uses her feminine charms to distract male opponents and force them to lower their guard. This is not to say that she indiscriminately engages in carnality acts, but for missions that require her to work undercover, she is not immune to using the art of seduction to achieve her goals.
Sure, this might work if you need to get into a nightclub or out of a speed violation ticket, but it can either backfire or be completely useless. Just how would you use this amazing skill to seduce such a hunk like Doomsday? Although, now that we’ve said, we’d love to see that happen. Or not?
19. Business management
Sometimes called “business acumen,” business management is a term used to describe the ability of some characters to run, maintain, and close a business. Many characters tend to run their own business to meet their needs. Others use their business to start new ventures.
Okay, sure, you’ll know how to avoid bankruptcy and how to earn some cash, but you won’t actually buy out Apokolopis or the Infinity Gauntlet and defeat your opponents that way, right? Sure, it’s practical but essentially useless in a fight.
Sometimes compared to “choreography,” dancing is a term used to describe the ability of some individuals to use their bodies as an art form by gesturing to music, often with steps and rhythm. Dancing is a form of movement that dates back to ancient times and is used not only by humans but also by animals as a form of communication.
You’re going to have more success with this one if you’re a female hero, but on a general level, dancing isn’t something you can actually use unless it’s combined with some other powers like martial arts, speed, hypnosis, or the likes.
Sometimes simply called “taking pictures,” photography is a term used to describe the ability of some people to take or edit photographs. Whether for fun, art, or commercial purposes, photography captures images by capturing light on a film or senor. These patterns are exposed to chemicals or electronic means to create the photograph.
Well, aside from the flash that could temporarily blind your opponent, we don’t see this power being overly useful in battle. These skills have a practical and artistic application, but if you actually remove that aspect, they won’t help you in a fight.
Archeology is the science that studies human cultures through the recovery, documentation, analysis, and interpretation of material remains and environmental data, including architecture, artifacts, features, biofacts, and landscapes. Because the goal of archeology is to understand humanity, it is a humanistic endeavor.
Unless you’re going to use these skills to dig out Superman or Thor, the brushes and shovels you carry on you are going to be of more use to you than the actual skills and knowledge you have.
15. Throwing playing cards
Gambit (Remy Etienne LeBeau) is a superhero and a member of the X-Men. Gambit belongs to a subspecies of humans called mutants, who are born with superhuman abilities. He has the ability to mentally create, control, and manipulate pure kinetic energy to his will. He is also incredibly adept and skilled at card throwing, hand-to-hand combat, and using a bō. Gambit is known to charge cards and other objects with kinetic energy, using them as explosive projectiles.
The only reason Gabmit’s card-throwing power didn’t end up higher up on our list is that it is actually a reflection of his telepathic skills. Still, even though it’s useful, it’s quite hilarious and borderline stupid if you look at it like that.
14. Skateboard control
Rodriguez was a mutant who had no powers of his own, but a symbiotic relationship with his super-powered flying skateboard, which moved at his mental command, sometimes acting out his subconscious thoughts, such as when the skateboard beat him up for cheating on his girlfriend.
Although the guy actually could do some neat tricks and run away using this, when we found out that the skateboard actually beat him up, we just had to put him on this list.
King Tut is a fictional character from the DC Universe, created specifically for the Batman television series. Professor William McElroy is a prominent Yale University Egyptologist. During a student revolt, he is shot in the head, and after momentary amnesia, he believes he is the reincarnation of the pharaoh Tutankhamun.
Arriving in Gotham City, he intends to rebuild Ancient Egypt and make the city his capital thanks to the help of his graceful messenger Sbanabu, but his plans are repeatedly thwarted by Batman and Robin, who discovers that every time he is hit at the head, his personality problems stop momentarily.
Another gimmick supervillain from the camp Batman series, King Tut relied heavily on his knowledge of Ancient Egypt to… well… commit crimes? We’re not sure that the guy actually thought he’d achieve with a solid knowledge of the inner workings of an ancient pyramid, but maybe his plan sounded better to him than it does to us.
12. Playing tag
Tag possessed a psionic power that allowed him to ‘tag’ a person in the eyes of others. He could create a feeling of animosity or fear in his target, who was then forced to run, or was avoided by the crowd, or chased and grabbed, depending on Tag’s choice. With practice, he was able to score multiple targets. The range was about 30 meters from his body. Beyond that, his target lost the mark.
The worst thing about this is that someone actually came up with this as a superpower, but Tag’s unique ability is really more annoying than useful. Sure, we all love a good game of tag from time to time, but imagine having to pat this guy or hug him? Jeez.
The body form of Black Racer is that of Sergeant William Walker, who was paralyzed after the Vietnam War and is now bedridden. Walker was contacted by the Source when Darkseid brought the war of the Gods to Earth and was told that it was his responsibility to play a part in it.
The Racer makes use of what appears to be a pair of skis as a means of transportation, similar to the “snowboard” of Silver Surfer, another Kirby creation. The New Gods are taken by Black Racer at the time of their death and taken to Hades (the Fourth World version of our Hades).
Sure, the William Walker version of the Black Racer had a lot of other useful powers and abilities which made him a formidable foe, but the skiing equipment made as much sense as Superman not being recognized with his glasses on. Maybe it’s a running-away kind of power?
Sometimes compared to “artistry,” cooking is a term used to describe the ability of some characters to prepare, present, and create complex dishes beyond those of a normal meal. Those who have mastered this craft are usually sous chefs or master chefs, but others have been known to hone the art of cooking for their personal tastes.
Abigail Hunkel is a veteran in the kitchen due to her many years as a store owner and homeowner. She is responsible for the ongoing preparation of meals for the ever-growing Justice Society of America list.
Oliver Queen, while not a master chef, is known for his ingenuity in the kitchen, especially when it comes to his infamous extra hot chili recipe. Supposedly, Ollie’s chili is so spicy that it even gives the Martian Manhunter anxiety attacks. Alfred Pennyworth is a classically trained chef and always brings his master Bruce Wayne an expertly prepared plate.
Most of the time, however, Bruce is heavily involved in his dual identity as Batman and has little time for anything but the simplest of meals. Many chefs, however, enjoy creating fresh, invigorating variations on classic dishes. No one has ever missed a second slice of Ma Kent’s rhubarb pie.
Sure, you could poison someone with a bad pie, but the Joker is a prime example that you can also poison someone without actually having to be a good cook. We’re not certain what you could do with this power in a fight, but maybe someone can really make a killer sandwich.
9. Opening doors
Doorman is a class 10 teleporter. His body is a portal to the Darkforce dimension through which persons or objects can pass through him or pass through solid objects against which Doorman stands. When Doorman creates a doorway through an object, he is often surrounded by floating black orbs that also create an outline of his body on the opposite side of the object.
Okay, we’re not really being fair towards Doorman, since the dude has some cool powers up his sleeve, but he is a victim of bad marketing (which should be on this list as well!). If you label a character as someone who opens doors for money, you don’t really hope of selling him to a wider audience.
8. Superhuman digestion
Superhuman digestion is the ability to consume and digest matter at a level that exceeds that of a normal human. This includes enhanced eating abilities, physically chewing and swallowing matter that would be impossible for most human mouths, and internally processing matter that would not be suitable food for a normal human. These abilities are unusual but innate on the planet Bismoll.
They also include characters with a well-defined hyper-metabolism normally found in speedsters, whose bodies in some cases burn calories as fast as they can run.
If Lord Darkseid ever accepts a hamburger chugging contest, this is our guy to face him. In any other scenario? We’re doomed. And so are all the heroes whose power involves eating fast.
Sometimes associated with “music,” singing is a term used to describe the ability of some characters to produce musical sounds with their voices. Sometimes the singing is tuned to a melody, but it can also be emitted by machines or animals that may have a certain melody. Characters with this ability are called singers.
Unless you scream fatally like a Banshee, this one is pretty useless (unless you’re Jigglypuff, but that’s a completely different universe). Singing doesn’t really come in handy – if you’re good, you’re just going to attract more attention, and if you suck at it, you’ll probably just attract a punch to the nose. Either way – you lose.
6. Setting off a volcano (on Jupiter)
Sabu is an alien from the planet Jupiter who is always faithful to Chacha and provides physical strength in times of need. He is huge and strong, about six feet tall. However, his height is very inconsistent throughout the comic series. In some comics, he is able to increase his size.
In some other stories, he only appears when Chacha Chaudhary rubs a lamp (similar to Aladdin). He wears only a wrestler’s kachha (underpants), a pair of earrings, and a pair of rubber boots. In some comics, however, Sabu has been shown wearing slim-fitting green pants.
And while setting off a volcano is certainly amazing and can be used for a variety of purposes, if you’re on Earth and can set off a Volcano on Jupiter, then the power becomes pretty useless. First of all, you can simply lie, and secondly, even if you would be telling the truth, no one would care about it since it’s on effin’ Jupiter.
5. Communicating with squirrels
Squirrel Girl can perfectly imitate squirrel sounds (which she refers to as “Squirrelese”), as well as actually communicate with and direct the actions of squirrels. She often uses a number of squirrels to distract or even assault others, chewing up circuitry and other materials. She shares a close, possibly empathetic bond with certain squirrels, such as Monkey Joe and Tippy Toe.
We’re not exactly sure how useful this power is, seeing how squirrels aren’t really useful allies in a battle, but hey – the gal beat Thanos to a pulp, so there just might be more to this than we think there is.
Theology is a set of disciplinary fields that relate in one way or another to the idea of God or the divine. The confessing approach to these fields studied by theologians distinguishes them from the agnostic approach to the sciences of religions.
Well, on the one hand, this comes in handy if you’re going to bore your opponent to death with useless blabbering, but somehow we don’t think that the knowledge of religious dogmas would help you, in any way, to fight off an enemy. Heck, even Daredevil, a devout Christian, chose to kick ass rather than preach.
3. Being ugly
It is the story of millionaire Brandon Brewster, who becomes the superhero, Mighty Man. He has the ability to shrink in size and other powers common to other heroes such as flight and super strength. His faithful companion is Yukk, the ugliest dog in the world. Yogi is so ugly that he lives with a doghouse on his head.
His secret weapon is precisely to take the house out and when the villains look at Yukk’s face they faint, he has psychotic crises and everything else, so ugliness, even the buildings collapsed. His face is never shown, when he takes the house out the image appears behind his head, which is almost bald, with only three hairs.
Ummm… being ugly is simply being ugly. Still, some smart dude decided to advertise it and market it as a power and a distinct character trait. In a cartoon. Talking about sucky marketing.
2. Being blue
John Zander’s dream was to become a rapper, but he was not very good. During his time in “Mutant Town,” Jazz was a drug mule for one of the area’s crime lords, selling Toad Juice, a drug made from the secretions of a mutant named Toad Boy.
After M-Day, he was one of the few mutants who retained their mutant powers or appearance and was forcibly relocated to the mutant camp for the 198 on the grounds of the X Mansion. Jazz apparently had no powers. His mutation consisted only of his blue skin.
Well. Yeah. Maybe you can hope that your opponent is afraid of the color blue? Unless it’s that, we don’t really see how this ability could help you with anything.
Richard Stanton was motivated by personal tragedy to disguise himself as an old woman to infiltrate criminal gangs and bring them to justice while trying to locate his kidnapped daughter. He searched for her for several years, and when he located the kidnapper, he revealed that Stanton’s daughter was still alive.
When he became Madam Fatal, he severed all ties with his former life, except that he kept his parrot, Hamlet. Briefly, he had two allies to help him with his cases, Tubby White and Scrappy Nelson, who formed the Sure Fire Detective Agency.
Not what we have anything against transgender people, but when you actually need to fight off an enemy or save the world, being able to look good in a dress and pantyhose won’t really do you much good. You might surprise a villain or two, but if you’re fighting an alien with different cultural standards, you’ll end up in a pretty tight spot.