16 Best Diary of a Wimpy Kid Quotes (Books and Movies)

16 Best Diary of a Wimpy Kid Quotes (Books and Movies)

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Diary of a Wimpy Kid is a series of children’s books written by author and cartoonist Jeff Kinney. All the main books are structured as diaries of the main character, Greg Heffley, and are composed of cartoons depicting Greg’s daily adventures.

Since the release of the online version in May 2004, most of the books have garnered positive reviews and commercial success. In 2020, more than 250 million copies were sold globally.

This list is going to include a total of 16 most memorable Diary of a Wimpy Kid quotes from the books and the movies, eight from each. The quotes are taken from various contexts and situations and are grouped based on the source.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid Quotes from Books

First of all, let me get something straight: This is a JOURNAL, not a diary. I know what it says on the cover, but when Mom went out to buy this thing I SPECIFICALLY told her to get one that didn’t say “diary” on it. Great. All I need is for some jerk to catch me carrying this book around and get the wrong idea.

This one is actually a great introductory quote for the whole franchise, as it explains how Greg, the protagonist, perceives himself and his world.

Dear Aunt Loretta,

Thank you so much for the awesome pants!
How did you know I wanted that for Christmas?
I love the way the pants look on my legs!
All my friends will be so jealous that I have my very own pants.
Thank you for making this the best Christmas ever!

Sincerely, Greg

We picked this one as a great illustration of the type of humor you can expect from the series, as well as because the holidays are very close by.

Rodrick’s punishment was that he had to answer a bunch of questions Mom wrote out for him. Did owning this magazine make you a better person? No. Did it make you more popular at school? No. How do you feel about having owned this type of magazine now? I feel ashamed. Do you have anything you want to say to women for having owned this offensive magazine? I’m sorry women.

As you can see, Kinney tackled some adult topics; now, this isn’t overly strange for American franchises, most of them have at least one episode dealing with adult magazines, but it goes to show how consistent Kinney was.

Let me just say for the record that I think middle school is the dumbest idea ever invented. You got kids like me who haven’t hit growth spurt yet mixed in with these gorillas who need to shave twice a day.

Well, a bit of slice-of-life humor always does the trick, especially when everyone’s thought it at least once in their lives before that. This is a prime example of one such quote.

Then one day, this kid named Darren Walsh touched the Cheese with his finger, and that’s what started this thing called the Cheese Touch. It’s basically like the Cooties. If you get the Cheese Touch, you’re stuck with it until you pass it on to someone else. The only way to protect yourself from the Cheese Touch is to cross your fingers.

And a bit of school life, as well, eh? Kinney had the great ability to portray our everyday lives and situations very precisely. Everyone had such a thing while they were at school; it doesn’t have to be the cheese, but something was there and that is part of Kinney’s magic.

I got to give mom credit for how she handled it. She didn’t try to pry and get all the details. All she said was that I should try to do “the right thing” because it’s our choices that make us who we are. I figure that’s pretty decent advice. But I’m still not 100% sure what I’m going to do tomorrow.

Parents were also very important for Greg, as Kinney explored the dynamics of their relationship. We know how these things change, how awkward they can be, but also how inspiring; Kinney managed to capture all of this in his stories.

He found out I was singing, and he couldn’t resist the chance to see me embarrass myself. The play was supposed to start at 8: 00, but it got delayed because Rodney James had stage fright. You’d figure that someone whose job it was to sit on the stage and do nothing could just suck it up for one performance. But Rodney wouldn’t budge, and eventually, his mom had to carry him off. The play finally got started around 8: 30. Nobody could remember their lines, just like I predicted.

This is, more or less, a typical American thing. All schools have school plays, singing performances, and the likes, and Greg’s coming-of-age stories were not an exception. They were also as embarrassing as you’d expect them to be.

If there’s one thing I learned from Rodrick, it’s to set people’s expectations real low so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all.

And, to close this section off, a typical Greg being Greg quote. Greg was your loveable, average wimpy kid and his everyday wisdom was something that inspired us on so many levels.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid Film Quotes from Movies

Greg Heffley: Rowley, if you had to say what you were ranked in terms of popularity from one to two hundred, where would you put yourself?
Rowley Jefferson: Is two hundred good or bad?
Greg Heffley: I’d say you’re somewhere around the 154 mark. I’d put myself around number 19 or 20. I might even have a shot at the top spot by the end of the year. If things will go the way I think they will.

A memorable dialogue from the live-action adaptation that shows just how well the spirit of the books was translated onto the big screen.

I have no idea how I’m gonna write a column this week. I feel like a complete fraud! Well, you brought this on yourselves. You can kiss Rockin’ Rapids good-bye. You two will stay here together all weekend and work out your differences. And if you don’t, I will. And trust me, you don’t want any part of that. Do you understand?

Susan wasn’t really featured in our book quotes section, which is why we decided to add this badass movie quote to the list.

They’re the best in their class. These people aren’t nobodies. They’re famous. They don’t have to worry about getting a seat in the cafeteria, either. Check this out. There’s tons of things I qualify for: “Most Likely to Succeed”, “Best Looking”, “Class Clown”. They should just give that to me right now.

Another great example of Greg being Greg, showing us why we actually loved his straightforward persona so much.

Greg: You embarrassed me in front of everyone, Mom. Now I’m gonna be known as Diaper Hands forever! It’ll blow over.
Susan Heffley: You know what won’t? You lying to me. I just wanted to have a nice family trip where we all spent time together. But you don’t care about that.
Greg: Well, you don’t care about the things I love, either! If you did, I wouldn’t have had to sneak away to get to this place!
Susan Heffley: I give up. Take my phone. Play games. Enjoy yourself. I’m done fighting.

A typical example of Greg’s relationship with his mother, Susan, who was featured several quotes above.

You know, I like your point of view. You should sign up for the school paper. We are the voice of the people. Well, the people are mostly idiots so technically speaking we’re the voice of the people making fun of the people.

Angie also had a very special place in the franchise, so we had to honor her in the movie section. She motivated Greg. But Greg was just himself, like he always is.

 Avoiding the pain. It all starts in middle school, you know? You’re not a kid anymore. The coddling has stopped. Kids are now separated by intelligence. The weak are picked on and girls that you’ve known since kindergarten won’t even talk to you anymore.

And another quote from our beloved Angie, but this time in the form of a very profound life lesson on how school life functions.

We’ll hide here for the rest of class because I’m not playing that game! It’s not fair. He’s got all the neanderthals on the same team. It’s barbaric!

Greg’s reaction to a PE class, and another example of American school life.

You know what, Patti? One day middle school will end and become high school and after that it just becomes life. All those things you think are important now won’t be anymore.

And another piece of Angie wisdom for the end. Over and out.

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